Johnny Suede

Released 1991
Directed by Tom DiCillo
Starring: Brad Pitt, Catherine Keener, Other people

First Viewing June 13, 2009
Jolly: 0.5/5 stars

This movie was disappointing. I mean, here we have Brad Pitt in a performance seemingly similar to Johnny Depp’s Cry Baby, what could go wrong? Apparently everything. The plot was weak, the acting was amateurish, and the editing was horrible. These flaws were tolerated for the first half, but after that it was confirmed to be a truly terrible movie.

Now to get into the specifics of why it was so bad. Firstly, what was with the peace arch logo? Was this film commissioned by the municipality of White Rock? Anyways, the opening sequence should have been an indication that the plot would go nowhere; I mean, how many times must a piece of suede be panned over? Then we, the audience, are introduced to Brad Pitt’s cone-head-esque ‘do. Very comedic. The creepiness of cone-head’s neighbourhood was unexpected. And then there comes the magical black suede shoes from the sky; I for one will never think of a phone booth in the same way again.

So Johnny becomes Johnny Suede, now the fun begins right? Wrong. He is a struggling, starring musician. At least his best friend is amusing, and we are treated to an ode to suede: “suede is a funny thing” is one of many hallucinations to come.

The antagonists are quite confusing and weak. From the pale-faced photographer Flipped Out to the pale-faced rocker Freak Storm, there is no real conflict. Then there are Suede’s female conquests, again confusing and weak. However, although these women are annoying, there is no greater annoyance than the fact that Suede is a jerk; a jerk who can’t paint worth a damn.

I don’t know what the point of this movie was intended to be, but I don’t care. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone. Go watch Cry Baby.